Tired.

When am I going to be free? I have this love-hate relationship with school which makes it hard to be consistent with the things that I do. Its so frustrating having no breaks whatsoever and the demands never end. At least with semester and public colleges, you get to enjoy a three day weekend or break here and there...I only get the privilege of having ONE day off! It definitely drags on and I hate being here 10 weeks straight for 3 terms and end up leaving school in June. I thought college was supposed to end in May? Boy was I wrong, its like high school all over again minus the easy work, minus the holidays, and minus the commute. Anyway, so, here I am AGAIN trying to read and write this paper for today in about 7-8 hours and its not hard stuff, I just don't feel inspired to do it. I have come to realize that I have a hard time learning and being happy when I am confined to structure and deadlines. I just don't do well with those two things, but honestly, what can you do. I have also realized, in life, everything is deadlines and structure, unless youre an artist.

Which brings me to writing about art. When I was younger I used to LOVE to draw, color, paint, the whole nine. In high school I loved my art class and was probably the only one who took is seriously and even picked up learning how to play the guitar. I love the way it makes me feel and it sucks now because I haven't done either in SOOOO LONG! Its probably been 3 or 4 years since I have really done either. I am trying to get back into things and I started by applying to take a art class, hopefully I get in! That will be my escape for spring term and its craziness. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE SPRING TERM but sheesh, it can get overwhelming with all the partying and heat and definitely not focusing on school work. Hopefully art will bring me back to peace and help me focus with work.

Thats another thing, I have such a HARD time focusing on school work but I do know that with playing the guitar and drawing, no one can disturb me and I don't stop until I am done and its perfect. Art is a beautiful thing, whether you like to draw, sing, play an intrument, whatever, it is beautiful. I wish I could sing, because thats probably one instrument I will never be able to play well. Oh well, you can't be blessed with everything :)

Now, back to writing about Slavery in the 18th Century!!!

TEARIN UP MY HEART AND SOUL...

Trying my hardest to really get started on my papers, but I am just NOT focused. And people wonder why I do my shit last minute because when I do try to get things done early my head is just not HERE! This is what frustrates me most about school. You know what you have to do but you just can't get it done in a stress-free way, I always end up stressed as fuck but in the end it does get done.


As I attempt to write about the role of racism in the exploitation of people of African descent I am bombarded with questions of what the future holds. Although I still have a year- two years left of college (depending on if I want to stay an extra year), it feels like these three years have passed by so fast and I hate the feeling of growing up. I always wanted to be older and start my life as an independent woman with a career and possibly a family in the future future, but now it just seems too fast! When I was younger, I planned on graduating, having a career, and getting married by the age of 26...being 21 now, all of those things seems impossible, and honestly, I don't think I want any of that. I have yet to live my life, I don't want to start working and I definitely do not want to elope ANYTIME soon. All I want to do right now is be carefree and travel and experience new things. Growing through life experiences is way more important to me than actually making a lot of money or even graduating. The more I look into it, and the more I learn about myself, I see how much more I learn about myself and the world by traveling. Even though I haven't been many places, I have seen a lot of Turkey (the good and bad) and I have been to Mali, Africa, which I think was one of the MOST amazing experiences of my life. It is something I will NEVER forget because I not only learned about the people and culture but I learned about myself and most importantly, I learned, being happy is what I should strive for, above everything else.

The picture above describes what I felt about my trip and the true essence of the Malian culture and its people. Despite having nothing in the eyes of Americans and most economically stable countries, these people had way more than anyone else in the world. Their love for life is what kept them going and yeah they really did not know if they were going to put food on the table tomorrow, the fact that they were alive at that moment and full at that moment mattered to them. I definitely want to go back again and see the progression of the village that I helped build a school for. I would love to see the people that I saw exactly four years ago.

Hell Week

Its been a while! Damn, I havent had much time to write here but I am back, I hope! Nothing has happened since my last post. I am currently in week 5 of school and since my school is in trimesters one trimester has 10 weeks so that means this is the week for midterms :( I just received 2 midterms about 20 pages all together. AHHHH! I have till Wednesday to get everything done so whatever.

Aside from stress ahead of me, nothing has been going on in my life. I have just been trying to get over this term and hopefully go away for spring break! I might be going to the Bahamas, which would be AMAZING! I honestly can not wait, I will come back tanned and who doesnt want to spend some time in the Caribbean????!??


5 more weeks people! :)