Goodbye Junior Year...

Wow, can we say that time just flies way too fast...I can actually remember when I was a freshman and everything was so new. It was exciting and sometimes stressful not being home but this is something that everyone should experience. I am, as of right now, trying to write two final papers and studying for an exam that I have Monday. Things are going okay, I guess. I just want this term to REALLY be over with. Its hard to say goodbye but its something that has to be done. I mean, I am not done with college yet, but the feeling of bittersweetness is still there. I will be a senior this fall and hopefully will be graduating June, 2010. How exciting and SCARY! What am I going to be doing with my life?!? Anyway, don't really want think about this right now lol. I still have a YEAR!

On to a better note, I will be in Turkey in 9 days. Can you believe it!? It has been way too long, I miss my family sooooo much. I will be crying so much when I get there, ahhhhhhh. I love it there, being around so many people that love you no matter what is just amazing. You can depend on any of them. Maybe after college I can possibly live in Turkey for a year or so and just be close to my family and not see them 2 months out of the year.

Anyway, getting back to writing these papers. This is always a good place to get some things out of my head. I will be back when I'm in TURKEY!! wooohooooo :)

BAHAMAS!

So, I've come to notice that I tend to write on here when I am stressed and have a lot of things to do. Classes are over(today was the last day actually!) and this is actually the first time on a Friday I am attempting to do some work. I have 3 papers due Monday and Tuesday. Well, one paper was actually due today but due to "technical" difficulties, it did not get done. I have a 8 pager due Monday for my History of Sociological Thought, the most BORING and USELESS class of my life. The other paper is also a 8 pager for my African American History class which is due on Tuesday. 

The paper in which I have failed to complete is supposed to be a 20 pager...as of right now, I only have 5. Great. This is something that I brought onto my self because I had 10 weeks to get this done, but of course, I wait until the night before its due! I have actually decided not to stress it and do whatever I have to do to the best of my ability. If shit doesn't work out then fuck it. 

On a better note, in 8 days I will be in the BAHAMAS!!!!!! Only for 4 days but I need to be black. Like ASAP. I need some color because I look like the walking dead and I REFUSE to get a fake tan. That shit is really bad and ultimately FAKE! Anyway, hopefully my time there is amazing and I come back DARK BROWN lol. I usually get pretty dark but it usually is in the span of a week....we shall see what can get accomplished in 4 days. IM EXCITED!

Also, on an even BETTER note, my parents already bought my ticket for Turkey this summer and I've decided to plan a trip to Greece with my cousin. I LOVE to travel and hopefully I do get to go to Greece, I've been wanting to go for a while, I mean Turkey is RIGHT next to the place...I guess I will just have to see if it actually happens or not. My fingers are crossed.

ANYWAY, I should get back to "writing" these papers...... ooooh Bahamas, so close yet so FAR :-(

Tired.

When am I going to be free? I have this love-hate relationship with school which makes it hard to be consistent with the things that I do. Its so frustrating having no breaks whatsoever and the demands never end. At least with semester and public colleges, you get to enjoy a three day weekend or break here and there...I only get the privilege of having ONE day off! It definitely drags on and I hate being here 10 weeks straight for 3 terms and end up leaving school in June. I thought college was supposed to end in May? Boy was I wrong, its like high school all over again minus the easy work, minus the holidays, and minus the commute. Anyway, so, here I am AGAIN trying to read and write this paper for today in about 7-8 hours and its not hard stuff, I just don't feel inspired to do it. I have come to realize that I have a hard time learning and being happy when I am confined to structure and deadlines. I just don't do well with those two things, but honestly, what can you do. I have also realized, in life, everything is deadlines and structure, unless youre an artist.

Which brings me to writing about art. When I was younger I used to LOVE to draw, color, paint, the whole nine. In high school I loved my art class and was probably the only one who took is seriously and even picked up learning how to play the guitar. I love the way it makes me feel and it sucks now because I haven't done either in SOOOO LONG! Its probably been 3 or 4 years since I have really done either. I am trying to get back into things and I started by applying to take a art class, hopefully I get in! That will be my escape for spring term and its craziness. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE SPRING TERM but sheesh, it can get overwhelming with all the partying and heat and definitely not focusing on school work. Hopefully art will bring me back to peace and help me focus with work.

Thats another thing, I have such a HARD time focusing on school work but I do know that with playing the guitar and drawing, no one can disturb me and I don't stop until I am done and its perfect. Art is a beautiful thing, whether you like to draw, sing, play an intrument, whatever, it is beautiful. I wish I could sing, because thats probably one instrument I will never be able to play well. Oh well, you can't be blessed with everything :)

Now, back to writing about Slavery in the 18th Century!!!

TEARIN UP MY HEART AND SOUL...

Trying my hardest to really get started on my papers, but I am just NOT focused. And people wonder why I do my shit last minute because when I do try to get things done early my head is just not HERE! This is what frustrates me most about school. You know what you have to do but you just can't get it done in a stress-free way, I always end up stressed as fuck but in the end it does get done.


As I attempt to write about the role of racism in the exploitation of people of African descent I am bombarded with questions of what the future holds. Although I still have a year- two years left of college (depending on if I want to stay an extra year), it feels like these three years have passed by so fast and I hate the feeling of growing up. I always wanted to be older and start my life as an independent woman with a career and possibly a family in the future future, but now it just seems too fast! When I was younger, I planned on graduating, having a career, and getting married by the age of 26...being 21 now, all of those things seems impossible, and honestly, I don't think I want any of that. I have yet to live my life, I don't want to start working and I definitely do not want to elope ANYTIME soon. All I want to do right now is be carefree and travel and experience new things. Growing through life experiences is way more important to me than actually making a lot of money or even graduating. The more I look into it, and the more I learn about myself, I see how much more I learn about myself and the world by traveling. Even though I haven't been many places, I have seen a lot of Turkey (the good and bad) and I have been to Mali, Africa, which I think was one of the MOST amazing experiences of my life. It is something I will NEVER forget because I not only learned about the people and culture but I learned about myself and most importantly, I learned, being happy is what I should strive for, above everything else.

The picture above describes what I felt about my trip and the true essence of the Malian culture and its people. Despite having nothing in the eyes of Americans and most economically stable countries, these people had way more than anyone else in the world. Their love for life is what kept them going and yeah they really did not know if they were going to put food on the table tomorrow, the fact that they were alive at that moment and full at that moment mattered to them. I definitely want to go back again and see the progression of the village that I helped build a school for. I would love to see the people that I saw exactly four years ago.

Hell Week

Its been a while! Damn, I havent had much time to write here but I am back, I hope! Nothing has happened since my last post. I am currently in week 5 of school and since my school is in trimesters one trimester has 10 weeks so that means this is the week for midterms :( I just received 2 midterms about 20 pages all together. AHHHH! I have till Wednesday to get everything done so whatever.

Aside from stress ahead of me, nothing has been going on in my life. I have just been trying to get over this term and hopefully go away for spring break! I might be going to the Bahamas, which would be AMAZING! I honestly can not wait, I will come back tanned and who doesnt want to spend some time in the Caribbean????!??


5 more weeks people! :)

???

I have NO idea what is going on with me lately. I am constantly TIRED! Its probably the fact that it is below zero outside and all I want to do is stay in bed but still, I don't even seem to have energy to finish reading for class. Ugh...I love winter but not UPSTATE winter, even though the city is not too far from here, there is a difference in temperature.

Anyway, today has been eventLESS, I ended up getting out of bed at 10 to get something signed from a professor and ended up going back to bed. It's HORRIBLE I know! But whatever, the little bit of reading that I had gotten done helped me out in class because my professor complimented me after class!! I felt like I was in 5th grade and was complimented for getting a math problem correct but still, the fact that he noticed will help me in the future. Talking about classes, this term has actually been going well ( I dont want to jinx it!) and usually winter term is the WORST term of the whole school year. Oh well, hopefully things just keep going the way they have because this term would probably be my best term ever. AHHH! Anyway, now I have to get ready to go out for someones birthday :)

Just turned 21...

I haven't written in soooooo long its ridiculous. I used to have a blog when AOL and dial-up were the new thing lol. I just recently got inspired to write again when I friend started reading some of her entries of 2 1/2 years ago and it really made me feel so happy to remember things that I totally forgot about. This is such a great way to keep a record of your thoughts, memories, experiences and even a way to look back and see how you've grown and all of the things you have been through.

Anyway, so, this week has been a really eventful week for me. Tuesday was actually my 21st birthday, and can I just say that it was probably the craziest day of my life. I did NOT plan for it to go the way that it actually did. I wanted my 21st to be nice with a few drinks over dinner with the people I love but whoa was it the opposite LOL. I did spend it with a group of friends whom I love but it turned into a shitshow. I went to my first bar(legally) and ordered a couple drinks for my friends and I and the night started off pretty well. I had one drink (Long Island Ice Tea, btw, STAY AWAY FROM THIS DRINK LOL) and I was already drunk. That was a first...but anyway, one of the people that actually worked there started ordering shots of different things and thats where I totally f**ked up. Oh well, it was a memorable night thanks to my camera!!!

Well there goes my first entry...hopefully I keep up with this on a regular basis :)